Hajja Salesjana July-September 2022

and worst in your loved one, you revisit the love you thought you had for them and elaborate a different form of love: a kind of love that seeks to embrace the whole person, including the absolute raw vulnerability that you never thought existed within the person. You grapple with the humiliation the loved one must experience as you change their diapers and help them shower. You might be dead tired, but bed linen needs to be replaced, or the scared loved one needs a listening ear. Indeed, you need to unearth a special kind of patience, especially when, out of sheer frustration, your attempts to help are met with ingratitude or scathing criticism. You might wonder where the ability to cope comes from. Somehow, though, you keep going despite the ever-present feeling that you are going to collapse. There are, however, some tips that might aid coping. Primarily, you need some time for yourself, be it a couple extra minutes in the shower or a quick nap whilst the loved one sleeps. Ask for help – nothing can be gained by making the loved one your exclusive domain. This requires reconciling ourselves with being on the receiving end are looking to you for guidance – a role you do not feel prepared for, and have no desire to fulfil. Yet, some things need managing, be they energy bills, cooking and cleaning, maintenance around the house, shopping, watering plants, or feeding the dog. You would also have obligations towards other persons in your life, who might not always get the persistent load on your mind. Whilst they might demonstrate understanding on one level, you quickly realise that understanding has limits. With all good intentions, people struggle to understand why you cannot shake off the feeling of heaviness, and why you cannot always have a cheerful disposition. You might struggle to empathise with other persons’ everyday struggles, and long to go back to a time when your concerns had to do with submitting assignments on time and choosing what to wear at a wedding. Your life, your worries, every decision you make, now revolves around the loved one who is ill. What drives all this? Certainly no vocation to nursing. The simple, but complex, answer, is love. During these times, as you encounter the absolute best Photo by CDC - www.unsplash.com 24 Lulju - Settembru 2022 hajja