Hajja Salesjana April-June 2022

and actions. Sometimes, it’s worth taking some time out, and having a conversation at a later time, when both partners have calmed down and are willing to listen to each other. Arguments might also occur when we assume that our partner should know what our needs are. We expect that they would pick up on our hints that we want things to be done in a particular way, and feel offended when they don’t, rather than clearly stating our preferences. Hence, direct communication gives way to misunderstandings and assumptions. Our needs are nothing to be ashamed of, and we all have them! Sometimes, though, it feels really hard to allow ourselves to be vulnerable with each other. It is worth having conversations when we speak about feelings, even painful ones, and create a space when we can emotionally support each other. Finally, we need to remember that marriage is not a competition. At times, we might presume that, if we are right, the other spouse must be in the wrong. Marriage thus becomes a power struggle – a competition about who is right or wrong, who is more justified in feeling angry, who is putting more effort in the relationship, and who is sacrificing more for the family. This, in turn, fills us with resentment and disappointment. In reality, communication can only work when we give up the need to be right! Again, try to be open to understand the other person’s feelings behind the anger and frustration, and try to do the same for yourself. Ideally, try not to bring up stuff that happened a while ago, as that might lead to a feeling of insecurity, both in the relationship and your child. Finally, saying you’re sorry requires courage, and is a sign of strength rather than weakness! Giving and receiving forgiveness is one of the most powerful messages we could pass on to a child. 25 April - Ġunju 2022 hajja