Hajja Salesjana April-June 2022

Some of the most heated arguments occur when we presume to know the intentions of our spouse. For example, someone might get really frustrated because her husband knows that watching television while she’s cleaning the house irritates her. She, therefore, interprets it as confirmation that he does not really care about how she feels. This might form the basis of an argument. He, on the other hand, might assume that her failure to make it back home in time for dinner time shows her lack of commitment to him; thus, his anger might have an underlying feeling of rejection. Try to listen to the meanings behind your anger, and where appropriate communicate the hurt behind it. We sometimes end up acting out our anger. This happens when we carry out unhelpful behaviours in order to express feelings that we are otherwise not capable of expressing. For instance, we might engage in accusations and make hurtful comments that we might not otherwise say, instead of acknowledging our feelings of fear, anxiety, vulnerability, and insecurity. As well as listening to your feelings, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand the meaning behind their words kids. For example, giving each other the silent treatment is a common occurrence. However, this might have huge implications on the child, particularly if they have a more sensitive nature. They might not feel confident that you will ever make up. They might anxiously try and mediate between you, to end the conflict and get back to a safer place. Over time, such dynamics might pass on the message to them that relationships cannot really be secure. Further, parents are normally less likely to provide sensitive and attuned care when they are in the midst of a hostile situation. Alternatively, one of the parents might compensate by being overly effusive with the children, in an attempt to feel close to them in the absence of partner intimacy. In any case, children unwittingly end up embroiled in dynamics that leave them feeling worried and unsafe. What could we do then? It’s impossible not to have conflict! According to some studies, conflict that is managed well could even be beneficial for kids, as they learn to manage difficult feelings and navigate relationships in their own lives. Several tips are recommended when it comes to managing conflict. 24 April - Ġunju 2022 hajja