Hajja Salesjana April-June 2022

Marlene Cauchi D.CounsPsy How do children experience parental conflict? The simple answer is that it depends very much on the nature of the conflict and how it is resolved. Let’s consider, for example, these questions: Have we ever argued with our spouse and then spent the next couple of days not acknowledging each other? Do we have a tendency to demean or call each other names when we’re arguing? Do we sometimes find ourselves complaining about our spouse in front of the child? How do we think children feel when we do that? How do we, ourselves, experience conflict? Do we feel secure in the knowledge that ruptures in the relationship can be healed? If the answer is yes, are we sure that the child shares our security? In the last issue of this magazine, we lookedat attachment dynamics between the couple, as we looked at the potential ways that our own attachment style impacted on the ways we relate to our spouse. This is particularly the case with conflict and its resolution. A study found that conflict was one of the top three concerns that children of all ages experienced. This might be surprising, or we might dismiss it, thinking that it would only apply to families that were constantly at loggerheads with each other. However, the way we argue tends to have great impact on what children learn about the nature of relationships and how solid these are. It is imperative that we transmit the message to kids that relationships will naturally experience occasional ruptures, but that the couple bond is strong enough to withstand and heal such ruptures. This could be done through being mindful of the ways we express anger and the impact this could have on our spouse and Conflict and Kids 23 April - Ġunju 2022 hajja