Hajja Salesjana - Oct-Dec 2021

It-tfal g˙adhom iç-Çentru ta' ˙ajjitna? minn Jeanine Balzan Engerer B. Psy (Hons), PGCE 34 H AJJA S ALESJANA “It is not the critic who cou ts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” - Theodore Roosevelt Recently I have spent a lot of time pondering on this quote by Theodore Roosevelt. It made me reflect on the idea of ‘daring greatly’, going out of one’s comfort zone, showing all of one’s vulnerabilities in order to grow. Currently, I sometimes feel that it has become fashionable to push people to grow and to invest in themselves so as not to get stuck in a mediocre life. Yet at the same time one can feel the constant judgment of people on those who have dared to be different, those who maybe in our eyes have created a scandal in order to live a happier life. I can only imagine how lost and confused one might feel when considering whether to show up as who they truly are or as the world would want them to be. I tend to think that it is easier to choose the latter but alas, this is also sadder and lonelier. We are wired to connect, yet so afraid to connect honestly and in a vulnerable way. We want to be seen yet are so afraid to see others the way they truly are. In a world where shame and judgment seem to dominate, this has created a fear within us which automatically pushes away the idea to be vulnerable. In a world where being perfect seems to have become the norm, removing any wrinkles, avoiding pain, making sure to be seen at our very best, where does this leave us at the end of the day? I believe that it leaves us feeling unloved and since we cannot give what we are not, we end up not loving those around us. In so doing, we end up being caught up in this vicious cycle of loneliness. The underlying factor that pushes us away to accept ourselves as we are might be perfectionism. Perfectionism does not exist, we have heard it hundreds of times yet we seem not to believe it. If we have this unrealistic expectation on ourselves that we must be perfect, then we are undoubtedly expecting those around us to be perfect too, be it our partners, our children, the parish priest and the list goes on and on. So I believe that the first step to overcome this expectation is to accept our imperfections and to recognize that our self-worth is based on who we are as individuals, including both our weaknesses and strengths. As Theodore Roosevelt mentions in his quote, what truly matters is the effort we do, not the triumph that we achieve but rather the desire to try and better our lives. If we had to stop and reflect on that for a minute, we can see that throughout our life we have surely never stopped trying to better ourselves ... Thus, I want you to know that this is MORE THAN ENOUGH. You and I are doing the best we can within the circumstances we are being presented with. Therefore, strive to be kinder to yourself, that is the only way you can then be kinder towards others. So the answer is YES, we need to become real and authentic in order to love and be loved. Timely Reflections Vu ner bility by Jeanine Tanti M.Couns, P.G.C.E, B.Psy (Hons) Photo by Kalen Emsley - www.unsplash.com