Hajja Salesjana - Oct-Dec 2021

H AJJA S ALESJANA by Marlene Cauchi D.CounsPsy 24 • Can I trust you to stick around through chemo and radiation treatments? • Can I trust you to choose me over your mother? • Can I trust you to respect me? • Can I trust you to provide for our family? • Can I trust you to have my best interests in mind? • Can I trust you to support my goals? • Can I trust you to not jump ship when things get hard? • Can I trust you to be sexually faithful? These are perhaps some of the most common questions that come to mind in relation to trust. Trust - a word that can be so heavy, and yet branded around so freely in everyday conversations, is normally linked to the ability to feel secure in our attachment to our partner. There is however a deeper notion of emotional safety. Questions we might ask are: • Can I trust you to notice when I’m feeling upset? • Can I trust you to listen rather than offering solutions that get rid of my feelings? • Can I trust you to care about my opinions, even when we do not agree? • Can I trust you to be patient with me when I’m feeling emotionally stuck about a particular issue, such as grief, loss or betrayal? • Can I trust you to be open to negotiate a compromise that takes into account both our needs? • Can I trust you to open a dialogue, rather than be punitive, when you are disappointed with me? • Can I trust you with my deepest fears and dreams? • Can I trust you to say the truth to me when you mess up? • Can I trust you to forgive me? We might argue that it is the ongoing answer to these questions, rather than any grand gestures twice a year, that contribute to relationship security. How do we build trust? Every interaction with our partner offers an opportunity to build, or break, trust. Let us imagine that I come back home from work Building Emotional Safety Top right photo by Gray - www.unsplash.com