Hajja Salesjana July-September 2021

25 H AJJA S ALESJANA your love for him/her. You might miss that he/ she does not comment on your new dress, suit, or haircut. You might feel upset that he/she never said he/she missed you when you were away on a business trip. You always verbally acknowledge your partner when he/she picks you up from work, or appreciate him/her for helping you out during your teaching practice. You thrive on encouragement and appreciation. Moving on... think about the last time you spent some time with your partner. Were you both on your phone? If your love language is Quality Time, this kind of interaction probably bothers you. Do you enjoy taking walks with your partner? Do you complain to your partner that you do not spend time together anymore? Does it bother you that your partner never talks about how he/she is feeling? Spending time together is taken for granted when we are dating, but is a major feat once we get married, our careers take off and/or children arrive! Quality time can be as simple as ordering a takeout and asking each other about the day. If this is your love language, you miss having deeper conversations with your partner when life gets too hectic. The next love language might come across as superficial. After all, we often berate children for expecting material things, at Christmas or otherwise! We often feel guilty for spending money on something when that money could have been spent on paying bills! If Receiving Gifts is your love language, getting a simple note might be enough, because you appreciate the thought behind it. You might feel upset when your partner buys you a Hoover – it is not the world’s best proof that he/she has really thought about what you might like! It is the thought, rather than the gift itself, that makes you feel loved. This includes the gift of self – you might feel happiest when your partner decides to join you on a routine trip to the supermarket. I always hesitate before mentioning the next love language – Acts of Service – as it might very conveniently be misconstrued as wanting somebody to be your doormat! If this is indeed your love language, you tend to express love by doing things for the other person. This includes cleaning, cooking, ironing clothes, taking the car to the mechanic, making kids’ lunches, picking them up from school, and doing grocery shopping. Nothing makes you feel more loved than when your partner decides to help out or even do these things for you! The fifth love language is often stereotypically associated with men, but that is really not the case! Physical touch might provide reassurance, to both men and women, that they are loved. If you long to be held; if you see being intimate as essential to your relationship; if you feel hurt when your partner promptly turns away from you after sharing intimacy... physical touch might be your love language. Do you have a sense of what your love language might be? Do you have an idea of what your partner’s love language might be? Try responding to your partner, using his/ her preferred love language! Does it make a difference? Make sure you state what your love language is, if you would like your partner to make you feel loved! Perhaps your partner, or yourself, speak more than one love language. I suggest you make some time to think about it together. Your relationship will thank you for it! Photo by Jessica Rockowitz www.unsplash.com