Hajja Salesjana July-September 2021

H AJJA S ALESJANA by Marlene Cauchi D.CounsPsy 24 We all need to feel loved. For that kind of feeling, we are willing to make trips, deny ourselves things, bake cakes and as a married couple, justify our partner’s behaviour beyond all reason... And yet, have you ever wondered what happened to the love you expressed during the first stages of courtship? For example, do you ever feel that you share with your partner much more than he/she does with you? Have you ever felt frustrated because your partner never affirms you? Have you ever wondered why your partner was so upset with something that you didn’t necessarily think was so important? These kinds of questions were addressed by a book I came across recently, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He makes a good argument for the fact that we speak different languages when it comes to love. At the risk of sounding politically incorrect, have you ever tried speaking English with somebody who only spoke French? How did you feel? Alternatively, have you ever pretended to hear something when you hadn’t, only to realise that you were then expected to respond accordingly? Let us go a bit deeper... What are the things that bother you most about your husband / wife (instead of partner)? What do you most nag him/her about? What are the issues that you keep bringing up, seemingly to no effect? What are your resentments towards him/her? Do you notice a particular theme? This is a good indication of what your love language might be. Similarly, what are the things about you that seem to annoy your partner the most? What does he/she complain to you most about? What are the recurring arguments he/she initiates? Do you see a pattern? This might give you important clues about your partner’s love language! Basically, according to Chapman, there are five love languages: 1. Words of affirmation 2. Quality time 3. Receiving gifts 4. Acts of service 5. Physical touch None of these languages is better than the others. Some are more characteristic of particular phases in our lives. Sometimes, not often, there are gender differences in the languages expressed. Most of us speak more than one language! If your preferred love language is Words of Affirmation , you will tend to compliment your partner and find it quite easy to verbally express The Five Languages of Love Photo by Christiana Rivers www.unsplash.com