Hajja Salesjana January-March 2021

H AJJA S ALESJANA by Marlene Cauchi D.CounsPsy 24 For many of us, life is fraught with commitments - the hassle of shopping, helping kids with projects and homework, managing our own workload etc. As our calendar, despite the Covid-19 restrictions, swells with obligations, it is important to come to grips with one thing that can help keep us sane: boundaries. What are boundaries? Imagine this scenario: you are being asked to do something that you do not have the time or energy to do. In that moment, you are at a crossroad. Often, the easiest way out seems to be “Yes!” And yet, this comes at a price. How often have we said, “Yes, sure” in our I-can't-believe-I'm-doing- this voice, only to spend hours, even months, feeling angry and resentful. For many of us, especially women, society has conditioned us into thinking that we are supposed to do it all, and do it perfectly. Saying “No” is associated with shame, and a sense that we are not a caring mother/wife/friend/daughter/colleague. We want people to like us, and we often assume that setting boundaries will upset others and push them away. In reality, setting boundaries enables us to be more compassionate, empathetic, and present with others. Setting boundaries is not always easy, but it begins with knowing our own limits, and being comfortable saying “No”. Unfortunately, we sometimes base our worthiness on our ability to please others, leaving us tired, depleted, and resentful, as we attempt to ensure that we meet everybody’s expectations. Most of us know of Brene’ Brown through her TED talk on the power of vulnerability that went viral almost overnight in 2010. Perhaps fewer of us have come across her work around boundaries. One of her iconic quotes is, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” Boundaries can be physical, material, mental, or emotional. Boundaries strengthen The Challenge of Setting Boundaries Photo by Omid Armin on www.unsplash.com