Hajja Salesjana July-September 2019

21 H AJJA S ALESJANA instance, we might notice ourselves getting extremely annoyed when someone keeps getting the limelight. We might look down upon that person, berating them, and insisting that we would much prefer being in the side-lines. However, upon deeper reflection, we might realise that a part of us longs to be validated and attended to, but we might somehow have learnt, over the years, that asking for it was unacceptable. Thus, we get extremely annoyed when we see someone, not only blatantly seeking attention, but also getting away with it. Such issues tend to originate in our childhood. It might be worth looking deeper into ourselves when we experience disproportionate anger to a particular trigger. Anger would thus be a valuable source of information about hidden aspects of ourselves. Holding on to anger may become problematic in the long term – it can lead to emotional distress and wear us down. It could also be detrimental to our relationships. Focusing on the things we have control over might help. For example, most of us have felt irritated when we were sleep-deprived, hungry, or tired. Taking care of our physical health is a useful tool to help us increase our threshold for irritability and minimise outbursts of anger. It is also worth learning to cope with fear and anxiety, rather than covering them up with anger. Learning how to articulate such feelings will also help us improve communication within relationships, making for more genuine and honest exchanges. It is thus that we take responsibility for our own feelings, rather than placing blame onto someone else. This would also minimise the risk of us turning anger inward, whereby we would become self-critical, sliding into a victim mode of being. A valuable tip to help us detangle from a victim mentality and feel more in control is to develop a grateful attitude. It is astounding how many things we could be grateful for, if only we paid attention. This could include anything from finding a good parking spot to appreciating a nice cup of coffee. It could also have to do with valuing the people in our lives or a compliment we received. Above all, noticing the way we speak to ourselves and changing our self-talk to a kinder way of addressing ourselves might have great bearing on our levels of anger and irritability. Let us, therefore, listen to what anger has to teach us!