Hajja Salesjana October - December 2018

by Marlene Cauchi D.CounsPsy 20 Resentment seems to be an epidemic. It is astounding to see how many people actually feel bitter and resentful. This might express itself as bitterness towards the world and one’s life situation. One might also experience resentment towards other people, or feel caught up in a stale marriage. Such persons might feel angry, uncared for, and unloved. They might feel life is unfair or that they have been dealt a bad hand. Unfortunately, resentment lingers. It takes anger or indignation to a deeper place, where it becomes extremely hard to shift. The problem of resentment Note that this is different from another kind of resentment, the kind when you feel indignant upon being treated unfairly. In this case, resentment is actually rather healthy, a sign that you are aware of your worth and are not willing to compromise on that which you deserve. So what causes the negative sort of resentment? The following are some reflections I made following several experiences in life and at work. At the core of resentment, there seems to be a difficulty around asking for one’s needs to be met. What do I mean? Are not other people, or perhaps bad luck, that are the cause of my resentment? Consider this: I might feel resentful because I always end up stretching myself to the absolute maximum when I do things for people, but it seems as though nobody is willing to do the same for me. I might even feel that I am taken for granted. This seems particularly insidious within families. A wife might feel resentful about carrying most of the burden around housework – she might interpret her husband sitting himself in front of the television after work as himnot caring about her. Another person might go out of their way to help his friends, but does not feel that this is reciprocated. It seems as though there is an expectation that other people, especially those closest to us, will somehow intuit our needs and do their best to meet them. Maybe we expect that people will be sensitive to us, as we feel we are to them. Indeed, we might feel offended when people set boundaries for us, considering that we stretch ours so much in order to help others. It is this expectation that gets us into trouble! Somehow, we find ourselves putting Photo: © Adobe Stock