Hajja Salesjana July September 2018

22 they acknowledge them. Listen to them when they have a problem, and support, rather than take over, their problem solving. You could do this by helping them explore the options they have in a particular situation, and facilitating elaboration of any fears they might have around it. Whilst it might be difficult to give your teenager undivided attention, especially when you also have other kids and commitments, it is worth valorising the time you have with them. Attempt to set aside some time for meaningful conversation, and choose a quiet place, free from interruptions, for more important discussions. Empathy is crucial – try to put yourself in your teenager’s shoes, before jumping in with solutions and advice. Turning negatives into positives It is sometimes possible to transform a negative situation into a positive one. You might want to do this by negotiating with your teenager about the way you communicate. Work out strategies to improve communication, and brainstorm solutions together. Select what is important to argue over – this might include basic safety issues such as not getting into a car with somebody they just met, or who has been drinking. Other issues like a messy bedroom could be negotiated. At times, it might be best to ignore it – simply shut the door! You might also want to negotiate rights and freedoms, according to the responsibilities they are able and willing to take. Offer constructive criticism when needed, but don’t keep reminding your teenagers of those times when they got it wrong. They know it, and do not need to keep being reminded of it by you. Acknowledge and celebrate their achievements. Above all, set a good example by apologising when you have been wrong. Photo: © iStock.com/yacobchuk All photos in this article depicting people are Stock photos and are posed by models