Hajja Salesjana November December 2017

2 1 power techniques. One of the foremost qualities we could ever teach our kids is respect for authority. Why, we might ask? When children learn to respect authority, they inevitably also develop traits that are related to good moral and social conduct. Take a moment to think... The malady of today’s society and family life seems to be a sense of entitlement and greed, whereby persons go about meeting their own needs with absolutely no regard for authority or the greater wellbeing of society. Cooperation, honesty, and responsibility develop when we learn to respect our superiors. In families, authority is represented by parental figures. We therefore have great responsibility to ensure that kids respect our authority. As we have said before, this needs to be done through setting reasonable boundaries that help children feel involved in decisions, whilst giving them a sense of what is acceptable and what is not. Thus, children know what kind of behaviour is expected, giving them a greater sense of control and self-reliance. Children feel safe because there are limitations within which they can navigate and discover the world. Children also learn about consideration for their and others’ feelings and point of views. Once learnt, such values would then be transferred onto groups of friends and society in general. Undoubtedly, there are often challenges to teaching values to kids. For example, different values might conflict with each other, or parents might disagree on which values to teach in particular situations. Adolescence can be a particularly taxing time, when it becomes difficult to balance the enforcement of boundaries with children’s need to challenge your authority and establish autonomy. So, in practice, how do we go about teaching values? First of all, it is useful to have explicit discussions with your kids to consciously identify and question particular belief systems. When children are encouraged to consider such topics, they become more adept at thinking about their own values, integrate them, and accept them as their own. Recognise everyday situations that you could use to demonstrate and teach values. When you see your child behaving in a way that manifests a value you want to instil, point it out and validate it. Bear in mind that all you do and say reveals something about the values you consider important. Children will imitate your words and actions, so make sure you are always at your best. This is, after all, what you would like for them to replicate in their own thoughts and actions. It is imperative that you take care of yourself and identify ways of managing difficult feelings, such that you do not find yourself lashing out when you are overwhelmed. Such outbursts make for feelings of insecurity in your child, and indeed model resentment and difficulties with assertiveness. When you make mistakes, it is useful to take responsibility for them and apologise, rather than make excuses. Above all, be dependable. Few parents want to raise a child who is unreliable and unable to make a commitment. Whether it is through loyalty to your friends, or keeping your word with your son, make sure that you obey your own boundaries and limitations. If you want to teach your child to be considerate and trustworthy, let them see you helping out your neighbours rather than gossiping about them. It is worth remembering that, as parents, our primary aim is not to be a cool friend to our kids, but to be appropriate guides, mentors, and role models. Having your child think you are annoying is preferable to your being excessively lax in order to keep your children quiet and uncomplaining. Finally, be patient! Teaching values takes time, practice, hope, and perseverance.