Hajja Salesjana November December 2017

by Marlene Cauchi D.CounsPsy 20 Despite the apparent value confusion, however, when you speak to parents about the values they would like their children to adopt, most seem to agree that these ‘traditional’ values are still the ones they want to pass on to the next generation. So how do you go about teaching such values? Are we not competing against a major global shift towards a value- less world? We are all so familiar with the expression ‘Charity begins at home’, that it has almost become a cliché. Well, it would seem that ‘Values also begin at home’. What do I mean? Research has found that, whilst schools, church groups, and other agencies have an important role in forming kids’ character qualities, they can only build upon that which has already been established at home. So how do children learn values? A core message that I keep harping on in my articles is the absolute need for parents to form a solid emotional connection with their children. Without this, their effectiveness as moral guides and teachers is greatly diminished. What does it mean to have a strong emotional connection? Depending on how reliably and consistently we respond to our children’s needs (rather than our own concerns or external demands), they are more likely to become securely attached. For example, a child will learn that the world is a safe place if they know that their parental figure will be there when they are upset. The child will learn to trust parents if they know they will be there to listen and validate their quest for knowledge and initiative. On the contrary, when the child’s care depends on whichever mood the parent is in, the child might become more anxious, learning that they cannot necessarily trust adults to provide what is needed. Now, children are influenced most by those persons who are deeply meaningful to them. When we are parents, it is natural to want to be those who play the major part in forming our kids. Aside from picking up our values based on what we do in our day to day life, it is worth bearing in mind that values also need to be explicitly taught. An effective way to teach values seems to be to tap into the child’s empathic quality. For example, ‘When you lash out at your friend like that, you make her sad. See, she is crying now’. This kind of approach is more effective than using punishment or other People the world over seem to be revising what they believe about values. Choices of politicians all over the world seem to be throwing into question what we always considered to be standard, inviolable values, such as honesty, integrity, respect, and responsibility. Values in Today’s World?