Hajja Salesjana March April 2017

22 to say, this will have serious repercussions on my child’s attachment patterns, which will, in turn, be eventually transmitted to their own children. So can our attachment patterns ever change? Fortunately, yes. According to Dan Siegal, a prominent attachment researcher, our attachment style can gradually become more secure if we manage to make sense of our childhood experiences, and how they became integrated into the story of our lives. Creating a coherent narrative of the people and events that impacted us over the course of our lives, enables us to cultivate security within ourselves and our relationships. Research also shows that, the longer we are in a secure relationship, the more likely we are to become secure in our way of relating. Crucially, it would be useful to become aware of our own inner critical voices that we might have learnt as children. Challenging our cynical and hostile attitudes towards ourselves and others will help us experience genuine loving feelings and security in our relationships.