Hajja Salesjana January February 2017

by Marlene Cauchi D.CounsPsy 20 Every mature parent desires their children to learn to navigate through life’s demands. It is necessary that children learn to make decisions, which would train them to make much bigger choices and be autonomous later on in life. Children need to feel heard and be involved in decision making, in an opportunity for them to exercise some control over their surroundings. However, when children are given too much choice, they might learn the message that limits do not exist, leading them to become ill-equipped to deal with limitations later on in life. Instead of navigating their way around difficult decisions and ambiguous situations, they might seek to get their way at all costs, even at the expense of other people’s needs, or find it hard to be in a committed, give-and-take relationship. How do we achieve this delicate balance then? How do we teach children the value of patience, rather than instant gratification? How could we teach them to accept our No, without unleashing an onslaught of tantrums and verbal abuse? Setting limits early on in life helps children to feel safe – it provides a structure that is consistent and reliable. This involves having set times for meals, baths, and bedtime. Knowing what is going to happen next is crucial for a child’s sense of security. This means that parents need to be clear about the values and rules they want to convey. On the other hand, chaos with regards to such basic things as waking up in the morning and going to bed at night, renders kids completely helpless. Just think... Is it easy for you to be productive at work, when you don’t know how secure you are financially and in your living arrangements? What are boundaries? And how do we teach them to our kids? What’s the point of that, anyway? Don’t Do That! Teaching Boundaries to Kids