Hajja Salesjana - May June 2016

20 Imagine a young married couple on a weekday evening. The husband is working late, but will make it in time for dinner, which they usually have at around 7pm. Having had to help their children with their homework and test revision, the wife is struggling to cope as she prepares dinner. By the evening, she is feeling irritable and resentful. When her husband arrives, at 7pm sharp, he removes his jacket, leaves it on the sofa, and sits at the table. He comments on how famished he is, and asks about dinner. The wife explodes; she complains about everybody expecting things from her, whatever she does never being enough, and not being supported. He looks on in dismay. He feels helpless, and then gets angry. He tells her she should take his suggestion of employing a helper, and what is he supposed to do if she refuses to listen to him? They eat in a stony silence. How did this argument escalate so quickly? Was either of them to blame? How did they miss what the other was feeling? At the core of this conflict is perhaps one of the most common issues I come across in my work. Both husband and wife interpreted the situation very differently. The wife complained that she was exhausted – she tried to juggle work, kids, and housework, but experienced very little support. The husband saw this, felt very helpless, and made several suggestions, such as that they employ a helper so she doesn’t feel so overwhelmed. The wife complained that the husband didn’t understand by Marlene Cauchi D.CounsPsy Baggage When Collides The title of this article came out of a talk I recently gave to a group of young married couples. Out of all the things I mentioned, what held the imagination of this group was an example I gave from my counselling practice back in the UK, where I lived for a few years.